We're All Going To Die.
Part III on a much too drawn out rant about New Year's Resolutions.
The Alarm on my Phone buzzes. It’s a reminder—a reminder everyone gets this time of year. I know what most people do—they snooze it, pretend they didn’t see.
‘Next year, next year,’ they say.
New Year’s Resolutions pile in, ‘New Year, New Me’ energy sweeps the globe, and the great dance goes on. That reminder is the real reminder, the real opportunity presented at New Year’s and select birthdays—an opportunity laced with fear.
We’re All Going To Die
Last week, I explored a cynical theory linking New Year’s Resolutions and their typical fizzle out with the fear of death. This week I stretch my cynicism towards New Year’s Resolutions, Self Re-Invention, Self-Improvement and Fixated Goal-Setting into a record third week, but as promised, will bring you through the depths of cynicism and into the miraculous light.
To refresh the fear of death idea, the argument was that ritualistic New Year’s Resolutions are triggered when we re-realise that WE’RE GOING TO DIE. We only semi-confront this—it manifests itself as a desire to live more intentionally in the year to come, but ultimately, these sorts of goals or resolutions are the Duck and Cover of Self-Improvement (unlikely to offer much protection).
This week, to further explore the deep, dark root of this all, I’m going to throw a wrecking ball through that idea. That’s right. Everything hashed out last week, knocked down. Full Miley-fricking-Cyrus.
Because while it kind of is the fear of death we’re caught up with, it also kind of isn’t. And this all hinges on one, key idea…
It’s Not Really ‘Us’ That Fears Life’s End
Now, this depends entirely on what you want to call ‘us’ and where we say the fear comes from. As I see it, it’s not a true part of ‘us’ that fears death, but this strange sub-entity.
This sub-entity is called THE EGO. Heard of it?
The Ego Theory, As I Understand It
The ego is driven by a fear that the physical and material world is all there is, and that we are a totally individual, separate organism from everything else that exists. I picture this perspective sitting in us like a paranoid passenger on an airline, spooking everyone out (the rest of our ‘self’) with their fear of flying.
It’s this which is so afraid, this entity which manipulates us to scramble and fight against the natural course of life and time. The ego is the thing which feebly clings to the slightest sign of control, like a paranoid airline passenger gripping the armrest—its reactions are not going to change reality, but its reactions run riot all the same.
Hold onto your armrest—here’s the good news I promised.
There is a possibility of relief—Ego Death.
‘Ego Death’ is where this fierce balloon of ego is broken apart by Reality, when we get outside our ‘ego’ and that perception of ourselves—when we are totally free from self-absorption and stop obsessing over every intimate detail of our lives.
I’m guessing the Acceptance Phase in the Five Stages of Dying involves Ego Death—we hear so many stories of elderly or terminally ill people being the most peaceful and appreciative they’ve ever been, despite it all being about to end. How could that be?
Perhaps the fear of death is not as cleanly related to the event of death as we think. Perhaps anxiety over the ticking of the clock, signs of ageing and worry about the future, are only possible with this bizarre ego thing—and hey, for better or for worse, right? Sometimes we need a kick up the backside to get out for more runs, eat a bit healthier, or ‘hurry up and get married, Joe!’
Sorry. I digress.
In Ego Death, the ego’s misconception, this fear, is burst, and we’re left looking like a person on LSD, admiring the quality of trees and the movement of waves. We’re overjoyed just looking at pictures of grandchildren, or the patterns in fabrics, or are impressed by the texture of a wall like the Russell Brand and Jonah Hill characters in the film Get Him To The Greek. Granted, they’re on drugs in this scene. No, I don’t think drugs are the pathway to nirvana—but they do symbolise our unconscious longing to get there.
Being so impressed by so little, we feel free and there’s nothing much left to aim for. The idea of a 1% improvement kind of fades away.
Basically, in theory, all the good stuff of life is easily experienced after Ego Death.
By the way, these post-Ego Death rewards are what BS Self-Improvement is trying to point at. You know, the people who tell you to meditate, go for more walks, detox from your phone, show gratitude and appreciation instead of constantly wanting more. They’ve got it half-right, but totally wrong.
This is the irony and flaw in self-improvement—self-improvement points at the things that arrive following Ego Death, and tells you to pursue them without necessarily enduring Ego Death.
It doesn’t help that the people pointing, the ones telling you how meditation changed their lives, are driven by ego, too—the ego of trying to believe they’re not caught up in ego. I’m not calling them liars. Meditation did change their lives—right up until the point they felt the need to tell everyone about it.
Moral of the story—we’re all driven by ego. Actually, this whole article was written by my ego. Go figure.
Here’s the question. Do these true rewards come after a ‘practice’? After habit stacking, continuous improvement or something of this description? Or, do they just come when they are ready? (Or more like, when we are ready? When we pull our finger out and stop taking ourselves so seriously!)
The Good News
And so, my dear friends, this is the GOOD NEWS. The Good News, it turns out, is actually the light at the end of the tunnel of the BAD NEWS. The key out of this madness hangs on the wall, unguarded. The light at the end of the tunnel exists, it’s just getting there is a brutal journey.
By the way, I’m not saying I’m there. I’m just kindly letting you know it exists. No, the journey is much too confronting for me, much to bumpy. The truth is I’ve grown rather fond of my fear, rather comfortable with it. Yeah. I’m happy where I am.
Back To That Reminder On My Phone
This is the opportunity our end of year crises present us. The end of the year works like a reminder on a phone, saying ‘Oh shit, you’re going to die one day’. Really, this is Reality trying to trigger a daunting, but necessary, Ego Death—necessary so we can truly get on with life.
But, when the metaphorical phone buzzes with the reminder, we normally snooze the inevitable showdown with our ego for another year. We kick our stern and long overdue look in the mirror down the road. Desperate to dupe us, fiercely advocating for its own survival, the ego creates a trivial, cheap copy of this look in the mirror—a phony/half-assed life review. Instead of confronting our ego, we decide, ‘I’m going to read more books next year.’
And so the beautiful, crazy dance of the human beings goes on.
How I’d change New Year’s Celebrations
If it were up to a cynical person, the ‘Three… two… one…’ countdown on New Year’s wouldn’t end with everyone shouting ‘Happy New Year!’ Instead they’d smile and declare:
‘We’re All Going To Die!’
Sounds morbid—to our egos. But to a person on the other side of an Ego Death, with no tangible fear of anything in life, including death, this is a jovial truth—a cause for celebration. It is not at all heavy, daunting or intimidating. It is the real reminder, cutting back those fibres of excessive Ego which that grew back in the last year, so we can get on with living.
Real living.