Next stop, Enlightenment.

This is your rallying cry... and your chance to hop off the train. "Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more!"

Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more;

Or close the wall up with our English dead.

In peace there's nothing so becomes a man

As modest stillness and humility:

But when the blast of war blows in our ears,

Then imitate the action of the tiger;

It’s not often I quote Shakespeare, but today I needed something stirring. The time for modest stillness and humility is gone; war is upon us. Today, I need you to rattle your cages and dust off those cobwebs, because it’s a new year and I feel reinvigorated, which is bad news for you, bad news for the unenlightened and very bad news for your email inbox.

This is from Harry Potter. It’s one of the earliest scenes where Harry is being bombarded by letters from Hogwarts, but his muggle Aunt and Uncle try to stop him reading them. It’s a lot less funny when I have to explain it.

I don’t think I like summer break and the end-of-year holiday season—the obligation to spend more time with family (Dad, if you’re reading this, not you), the obligation to fuss over food preparation, entertain, do things, and the pressure to document it on Instagram and Facebook. This can be more work than an actual JOB!!

(Not that I’d know.)

Yesterday I called Con, my handyman. ‘Happy new year, Con,’ I said. His reply:

‘What’s happy about it?’

Glad to know I’m not alone.

Average days beat holidays, but holidays have their use because they give you time to reflect on what’s important

As one of these rare social creatures who tends to enjoy average days more than holidays, I believe there’s nothing more annoying than holidays.

However, this holiday season gave me time to reflect on what’s important.

‘What’s important?’ I asked myself.

All I came up with was the same old boring answer.

A crude depiction of me over the holiday break questioning what’s important, then remembering the answer—after a haircut, it seems.

‘Me,’ I realised, for what must be the hundredth time. ‘I’m important. What I think and what I have to say.’

It also occured to me that other than me, there are two types of people in this world:

1. People who want to hear what I have to say

2. People who want to hear what I have to say but don’t realise it yet

So, after a low key 2024 I decided that in 2025 I will get off my ass, come down from my cloud and try once more to give people the gift of Enlightenment…

This is the cloud I’ve been living on for the last few years. For some reason there weren’t many men. I honestly had a great time.

… armed with little more than a fledgling podcast/YouTube presence and this rusty email newsletter, I’m going on a mission to Enlighten. As this might not be for everyone, this is your chance to stick or swim—to hop off the train, or buckle down and get ready to hold on for dear life. I say that because this content might get worse before it gets better. You can turn back now and avoid the topsy-turvy rollercoaster ride to come, or you can charge onwards with me—into the breach.

To give you a gist of what to expect on this newsletter/Substack, here are some of the upcoming articles I have planned:

• My HONEST, NO BS take on goal-setting for 2025 (whatever you’re expecting, it won’t be it)

• Don’t Make Galileo’s Mistake

• A CEO’s stunning self-reflection

• Stop Trying To Be Authentic (It’s Very Inauthentic)

• Getting lost in self-importance, and our fight to survive

• Life on the run as a censored author

I’m also working on related ideas—like more podcast/YouTube and ongoing book promotion for Holy Sh!t, It’s Only… Tuesday?. I also recently re-did my website if you want to check it out. I freshened it up and cleaned up the book section, adding in-depth reflections on each of my TWO (I know, I’ve written TWO) books so far.

If you come with me, it won’t be easy or pleasant. It will be ugly, gritty, absurd and confusing. You will come to question your sanity and rethink all you hold dear.

That is because we will try to handle the topic of Enlightenment.

Imparting Enlightenment is like handling radioactive material except far more dangerous. Like nuclear, Enlightenment is a fantastic renewable energy source if harnessed correctly, but in the wrong hands it will do irrevocable harm. If this analogy is off, please don’t hold it against me—everything I know about nuclear energy comes from the Back To The Future movies.

Now, not every post will be as whimsical and out there as this one. The ‘real’ theme of this newsletter is people-watching and the selfish joys I have doing it. This is where I explore the absurd, bizarre and inexplicable about our world by concentrating on its most complex inhabitants—homo sapiens. My attempts to explore and document our species occasionally leads to crumbs of understanding, but mainly it generates LOTS of entertainment.

And, all this exploration will be intertwined with my journey to ‘make it’—whatever that means—assuming I haven’t ‘made it’ already.

Like before, we will handle the deep, the dark and the dense as if it were radioactive material—I, as a highly trained professional, will handle it with care on your behalf. You’ll have ‘Ahhh’ moments and ‘haha’ and ‘hee-hee’ moments too. Mostly you’ll think, ‘that’s actually true, I half-thought the same but never quite thought of it that way.’

Sounds good, right? Don’t get too excited—there’s a trade-off. The trade-off is becoming more aware of yourself and less desensitised to the bizarreness of the world. This will make you (even more) intolerable to the unenlightened people around you, by making you more smug and arrogant. You won’t be able to help it—knowing what’s driving the people around you and silently—or not silently—judging them, will get to your head as it does everyone else. People will sense your magnanimity and detest you for it.

Back to the train.

So, that’s the train. If it’s not for you, that’s okay, I thank you for coming along this far. You can leave by hitting the unsubscribe button and on my honour, I promise not to take it personally.

Choose to stay, however, and I’m counting on you. If you unsubscribe say, next week, I reserve my right to take that very personally. I may temporarily forget my Enlightened self and retaliate.

That’s that for today. In the next email, I plan to talk about the importance of bullshit-spotters in society. Buckle down, ladies and gentlemen. All aboard!

Next stop, Enlightenment.

Joe Wehbe, author of Holy Sh!t, It’s Only… Tuesday? and 18 & Lost? So Were We is amongst many things a people-watcher and stern critic of our species. He has recently left his saintly home atop a cloud to return to earth with the explicit purpose of Enlightening others.